Why is it that romance seems so easy and natural while you are dating, but more difficult than learning a foreign language when you are married? While you are dating, it is only obvious that you should buy flowers, open doors, or buy “just because” gifts. Once you get married, the gears seem to shift to working overtime, eating in front of the TV, and passing out without any more than a mumbled “night” to your spouse.
The most common claims are that children, work, and financial stress killed the martial bliss. While I know it is 100% true that they contribute to the death of romance, it is actually a lack of very small gestures that ultimately lead to its downfall. These are little things that are often overlooked and even forgotten about amidst all the noise and stress. Here are 7 of these very simple tactics you can use to start rebuilding that fire and saving your marriage today.
1. Kiss. You remember kissing, don’t you? I don’t mean the meaningless automatic kiss goodbye before rushing off to work, either. Look into your spouse’s eyes, smile, and kiss them with meaning.
2. Write a “thank you” card. It doesn’t need to be a Hallmark moment. Just a simple “Thank you for being you” on a card or note will put a smile on their face. Especially if it is just because and you put it somewhere for them to find rather than just handing it to them.
3. Have dinner together. Better yet, prepare dinner together, even if it is re-heated leftovers. Then sit and eat together without the TV, phones, or other distractions.
4. Have a date night. Date nights can be a romantic dinner at home, the movies, dinners at restaurants, or even double dates with other couples. Just be sure it is the two of you doing something together and without the children.
5. Give each other massages. Massage oils can be bought very cheap these days and in a varieties of scents. Massages can be of the feet, hands, back legs, scalp, or anywhere really. You could of course spring to get a couples massage at the spa, but then you miss out of the “hands on” experience with your spouse.
6. Do a chore for each other. I.e. let her sleep in on Saturday while you clean the house, or mow the lawn(s) for him on Sunday so he can watch the whole game. Simply something nice to show you recognize their needs, and be sure not to something just because you want them to do something.
7. Compliment your spouse. When was the last time you genuinely told him how much you love his creativity, or told her how beautiful she looks in the morning? Don’t ever give a compliment you don’t mean, though. Also, don’t say something generic like “You’re pretty.”
Most importantly, don’t stress it. I understand that it is stressful when you are in a situation where you feel you must act now to save your marriage, but these little things do not require much. You can help revive the romance in your relationship with simple gestures here and there, and don’t need to worry about everything being perfect. Romance came easily while you were dating because it was all fresh and both of you worried a bit more about the impression you made on the other. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you should stop trying to make a good impression and show that you genuinely care about one another.
I can guarantee that just implementing a couple of these strategies can greatly improve the quality of your relationship and can help save your marriage, giving you new found hope for “happily ever after”. Just try and see for yourself!
If you’re interested in learning 6 more strategies to help you save your marriage for free, check out my page, Saving Your Marriage Find strategies you can start using today.