The scandal surrounding Tiger Woods mistresses and the golf pro himself has inundated the world wide web with a bunch of crappy pictures, worthless commentary (this article included) and well, a lot of juicy fun. Don’t worry, your office work can wait. Go prepare a cup of coffee and slurp it up while reading. After all, this is really important information and you may very well die without knowing about it.
Tiger Woods Mistress #1: Rachel Uchitel (photos)
Mmk, so Rachel Uchitel, aka Tiger Woods Mistress #1 is a 34-year-old hot babe from the great state of New York. She’s been the alleged mistress of several married celebrities (As a writer I’m supposed to say “alleged,” so I will), though Tiger is the first affair she’s owned up to. Uchitel works as a VIP manager at a few successful clubs in NYC. How do we know Rachel Uchitel is a Tiger Woods mistress? Easy – Tiger Woods texted her many a time requesting to see her both before and after his car crash. And, according to TMZ, “She also told people Tiger had pursued her for 4 months prior to the time they got involved and was very “possessive” and “jealous.”
Oh, Tiger, you sneaky, possessive feline, you.
Tiger Woods Mistress #2:Jaimee Grubbs (photos)
Jaime Grubbs is another hot babe that’s spoken up about being one of Tiger Woods mistresses. Here’s the lowdown: She’s a 24 (yes, that’s the right age. And Woods is 33, by the way) year old cocktail waitress and reality TV star. She claims that she’s been served as Tiger Woods mistress for 2.5 long years. Throughout that time, she said she had at least 20 sexual encounters with Mr. Not-So-Innocent golfer.
Tiger Woods Mistress #3: Kalika Moquin (photos)
Let’s get right to the point. Kalika Moquin is 27 years young, a nightclub manager (Someone should look into how many nightclubs Tiger Woods is a regular at to pull more women out of the woodwork). Though this Tiger Woods mistress claims to only know Tiger on a professional level, she alleged bragged to her femme friends about his bedroom skills. Me-OW!
Tiger Woods Mistress #4: Jaime Jungers (photos)
Jaime Jungers is the fourth Tiger Woods mistress of the decade. (Wouldn’t it be really cool if her name was Jaime Jungle because Tiger is a cat and his last name is Woods? Sorry.) She’s a blonde bombshell that serves as a model. She met Sir Tiger while working in Las Vegas and claims she carried on an affair with him for a little while. Ooh, fun fact: Miss Jaime Jungers gets paid to conoodle with celebrities and athletes who like to party and gamble. Twas fate, and not chance, that she became a Tiger Woods mistress.
Tiger Woods Mistress #4: Mindy Lawton (photos)
This 33-year-old Orlando, Florida brunette is a restaurant worker who recently dished all the kinky details about Tiger Woods and his bedside manners. She told Britain’s News of the World that, “He wanted to spank me and loved pulling my hair as we had sex.”
Authors Note: Tiger Woods totally had this coming to him. He was a big media whore before all these rumors (that seem to be more than rumors) got started and now that his wholesome reputation is on the line he’s calling the media a big group of sleaze balls. Sounds like Tiger is going all Sarah Palin on our hineys.