Should you disclose an ended extramarital affair to your spouse, if he has no clue and little chance of finding out? There are two schools of thought on this.
The school of thought that says you must confess the affair believes that honesty is of the utmost importance and that it will be a way to make a fresh start. You will be able to tackle the issues that caused you to stray in the first place and work on your marriage together.
The school of thought that says you need to keep the secret until your grave believes that there is no use in causing your spouse unnecessary anguish over such a confession. Although you may feel cleansed and relieved of guilt, all of those bad feelings will be heaped upon your spouse.
Both sides make some very interesting points. There is much to be considered either way. If you choose to confess an affair to your spouse, do not expect a pat on the back for coming clean. Your spouse will more than likely be devastated. In an instant, all trust your partner had in you will be gone. There will be anger and hurt. Your spouse may leave you. Your marriage may end in divorce.
If you choose to keep the affair a secret, know that it won’t be easy. There are going to be many times when your conscience is going to call on you to come clean. You may feel shame and guilt and there will be little outlet for releasing it. When your spouse says things to you about how wonderful you are and how you have been so faithful for so many years, you will want to curl up into a ball and hide somewhere.
Something else to consider is disease. If you have ever had unprotected sex, it is essential that you tell your spouse. It won’t be easy, but you will be giving him the information that could ultimately save his life.
Another consideration is as to whether anyone else knows about the affair you had. If there is the slightest chance that someone else is going to go to your spouse with information about the affair, it is best to confess yourself. Your spouse had much rather hear the information from you than from someone else.
You must also consider your reasons for having an affair in the first place. Are there unresolved issues in your marriage that need to be addressed? If so, it may be important to confess the affair. However, if you can resolve those issues together without mentioning the affair, that might be the best option.
Whatever you decide to do, you must take your own special relationship into account and carefully weigh your options. Whatever you choose to do could mean the end of your marriage, or perhaps a new beginning for you both to start fresh with one another.