I had a couple of hours to kill the other day and was looking for a movie to watch. I thought back to the last time I saw the list of the top 100 movies of all time as ranked by the American Film Institute. The number one movie as ranked by the AFI was the classic “Citizen Kane.” I have never seen the movie, so I figured that it was about time that I did. The movie consistently ranks as one of the best of all time and has been critically acclaimed for over half a century, so I reasoned that it must be a film worth watching. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I wasted two hours of my life watching an overdrawn, boring film with bad acting that ended with a surprise revelation at the end that was a flop. In a word, it sucked.
I would like to get my hands on whoever at AFI is responsible for rating this piece of garbage so highly. I suspect that some perverse peer pressure from fellow film critics caused this travesty. I can imagine that as a film critic, you would only be chastised by your peers if you came out and said, “you know, ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ was a better film than this one.” I would guess that would be akin to a priest saying he thought the Ten Commandments were overrated. Somebody should be accountable for the two hours that I lost and will never regain. I demand that the idiots responsible are punished.
I know that as you read this, you are probably thinking that I am one of those guys that only likes movies from the post black and white era, not so. One of my favorite movies of all time is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” “Casablanca” is also a big hit to me. Only the semi-retarded would pretend to like the symbolism and motif of “Kane.” It’s as if a seven year old wrote it, but don’t just believe me, Orson Wells himself thought the script was stupid. He only went along with it because he was getting paid well. The story is more of an allegory than an actual plot, the cinematography was horrible and the direction lacked any imagination at all. You can almost see the actors trying to see their lines in the distance and any emotion shown at all is ridiculously forced.
I think that at one time, this film was relevant to something. It probably is a good movie for film students to study if for no other reason to see how to not make a movie. Perhaps everyone should go see it just like they should see footage on the Hindenburg crashing. I told my wife that I would watch it with her to satisfy her morbid curiosity with my one request; wake me when it’s over.