Dancing with the Stars week 7 aired tonight on ABC, and featured all of the suspense and hijinx we’ve come to expect from DWTS season 9 action. Each of the seven remaining celebrities and their professional partners were charged with performing both an individual routine as well as a group dance. Read on for more about Anna Trebunskaya doing her impression of fellow Dancing with the Stars Fall 2009 pro Lacey Schwimmer, celeb-designed costuming hits and misses and the spicy team dance action.
Up first on Dancing with the Stars week 7 were NFL star Michael Irvin and partner Anna Demidova, also known to me as ‘the couple who should’ve gone home last week. Or the week before. Or the week before that’. (My husband refers to Michael as the Master P of DWTS season 9.) Michael and Anna offered up a Foxtrot. Since the stars were in charge of designing tonight’s attire, I figure I’ll add a new component to my review and touch on their stylistic choices. Michael’s effort for Anna: Classy, love the color – such a stunning shade of plum with a nice pink underlayer. For himself: Smooth slickness, and a style that suits him well. The man knows his fashion, oddly enough. He gets an 9 on my costuming paddle. Good job. The dance: Better than I’d have expected. I still think he should’ve gotten the boot last week (or the week before…) but a good show. Head judge Len Goodman called their performance “brilliant” and Bruno Tonioli praised Michael for improved musicality. Carrie Ann Inaba said it had “great content” and “dynamics”. Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova’s Dancing with the Stars week 7 scores: 8, 8, 7 = 23.
Dancing with the Stars week 7 continued on with entertainer Donny Osmond and partner Kym Johnson’s Quickstep. Donny amuses the heck out of me so I look forward to his performance each week. First up, I must critique the costume Donny created for Kym: Iiish. Not really my kind of look. The weird strips of blindlingly shiny metallic fabric along the non-existent bodice were just weird and distracting. And the bra top was Edyta Sliwinskaish: Barely there. Re-heally barely there. Why Donny, why? Utah is not smiling, Donny. He gets a 6 on my costuming paddle. I’ll have to wipe it down after this one. As for the dance (since this is still Dancing with the Stars week 7, after all, and lots of dancing is going on), it was slick. Bruno said “as a performer you’re as solid as a rock” but said he made a lot of errors. Carrie Ann called it “pretty good” and said he was “very light” on his feet. Len praised him for coming out with lots of passion and energy from the start. Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson’s Dancing with the Stars week 7 scores: 8, 8, 8 = 24.
Iron Chef America star Mark Dacascos was up next on Dancing with the Stars week 7… with his replacement partner Anna Trebunskaya. Poor Lacey is sick! First Derek Hough, the Mark Ballas, now Lacey, oh my. Feel better, Lacey! Anyway, Mark and Anna danced a Samba. First up: The costume critique. Simple black, sexy, appropriate for a Samba. Mark gets an 8 on my fashion paddle. Onto the dance. I’m not sure if Mark was trying to be funny with his goofy facial expressions, but he was. I laughed my booty off at his crazed lip posturing. But the dance was energetic and fun (and not just funny). Carrie Ann acknowledged first off that he’d had a tough week, but then called it “completely disjointed” and said Mark had a lot of “nervous energy”. Len said “it’s not your best dance” but didn’t agree with Carrie Ann’s harsh assessment. Bruno said “as a Samba… it was different. It was a little like Kung Fu Panda dancing the Samba in the Planet of the Apes”. Ouch, Bruno. Mark Dacascos and Anna Trebunskaya’s Dancing with the Stars week 7 scores: 6, 7, 6 = 19.
Dancing with the Stars week 7 rolled on with a Foxtrot from singer Mya and partner Dmitry Chaplin. Thank goodness. Mya has done mostly slutty dances lately. It’s about time she was assigned a classy number. First up: Costuming. Good move with the cream suit and dark dark pink shirt. Dmitry reminded me of DWTS season 8 runner-up Gilles Marini, which is always a good thing. The fashion paddle shows an 8 for Mya. Now the dance: I could’ve done without the whole cheesy shadow start; serious slut-danger there. But they moved away from it, and turned in a pretty Foxtrot. No complaints there. Len wasn’t thrilled: He said he “liked the parts that were in hold” but criticized them for using “too many gimmicks”. Bruno said “this Foxtrot perfectly captured the glamorous aura of Hollywood” something or other. Whatever, Bruno. You’re so on the Mya train that it’s ridiculous. Someone pass the man a Mya-Rolaid. Carrie Ann announced “Len is officially smoking crack.” Uh, ok. “About the dance. I loved it.” Right. Ok. Mya and Dmitry Chaplin’s Dancing with the Stars week 7 scores: 9, 7, 9 = 25.
A Jive from emotionally volatile singer Aaron Carter (see? I was nice. I didn’t call him a crybaby) and partner Karina Smirnoff came up next on Dancing with the Stars week 7. First up, the costume review. I started off thinking it was a cute costume with layers of fluffy pink striated color. But then I realized Karina looked like a giant cone of cotton candy. Not so great. A 7 on my fashion paddle, just because my daughter’s fifth birthday is tomorrow and she likes pink cotton candy. The dance: Fun, furious and fast. I can’t complain a bit. Bruno shouted “Aaron, you kicked ass!” and then a bunch of other stuff I didn’t understand before proclaiming it his best performance. Carrie Ann called him “a little roadrunner” and said it was “so good”. Len said “that had enough energy to light up Hollywood” and he was “tempted to dust off me 10 paddle”. Wowzers, Lennarino. Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff’s Dancing with the Stars week 7 scores: 9, 10, 10 = 29. Tricky Crankypants and his sneaky 10 paddle!
Dancing with the Stars week 7 continued with reality TV star Kelly Osbourne and partner Louie van Amstel. The oft-emotional duo (my husband observed that Kelly “has emotional problems”; I countered with “uh, she’s Ozzy’s daughter…”) offered up a Salsa. Oye vey, a Salsa?! This oughta be interesting. Whoa to the pants. Whoa thar, Kelly. Those pants are just cruel. The fashion paddle doesn’t like it. A 5. I think I’m scarred. (Though I did applaud when Louie ditched the blue fringe.) The dance. Not bad, but Kelly looked so deadly serious through most of it. It’s a party dance, for pete’s sake! I think she just might be taking Dancing with the Stars a little too seriously. Carrie Ann praised her for making Louie wear those pants, and said she was “unafraid of the dance”. Len rose to his feet and said she’d done better, but said she needed to improve more. Bruno… oh, Bruno. He jumped onto the judges’ table and shook his booty, and then told her to “find the character” every time she dances. Kelly Osbourne and Louie van Amstel’s Dancing with the Stars week 7 scores: 8, 8, 8 = 24.
Bringing up the rear of Dancing with the Stars week 7 individual dances were model Joanna Krupa and partner Derek Hough. (My husband asked me if there was any crediblity to Derek’s self-appointed identity as a sex machine. I said no.) Rumba time! First up, costume critique. Joanna’s design for Derek was appropriate for a rumba, but seriously, how hard is it to design a costume for a freakin’ rumba? It’s bedroom attire, folks. I know that much from watching Dancing with the stars for six seasons. Six on the costume paddle. Moving on to the dance itself: Good, as usual, though Joanna seemed emotionally lacking, somehow. It wasn’t smarmy, which was nice. My smarmameter didn’t sound. Len said “that more or less ticked all of our boxes”. Bruno said “you are a love goddess, high definition feast for the eyes”. Carrie Ann called it “fantastic”. Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough’s Dancing with the Stars week 7 scores: 9, 9, 9 = 27.
Next up: Dancing with the Stars week 7 team dances! Team Tango, comprised of Joanna and Derek, Kelly and Louie, and Donny and Kym faced off against Team Paso Doble, which included Mark and Anna, Aaron and Karina, Mya and Dmitry and Michael and Anna. Team Paso took to the Dancing with the Stars week 7 floor first. Wow, that was a long dance. (My husband pointed that out. I might’ve missed it had he not.) Bruno called it “powerful” and said “Mya and Dmitry stood out”. Stop with the Mya-crack, Bruno. Enough already. Carrie Ann addressed on contenstant in particular when she said “Mark you redeemed yourself” and Len said “it had attack” and it “got better and better” as it went on. Team Paso’s Dancing with the Stars week 7 group scores: 8, 8, 8 = 24.
More DWTS team action followed as Team Tango took to the floor. I love me some Bon Jovi, so bonus points for You Give Love a Bad Name. Joanna and Derek’s spins were awesome, holy cow. I’ll be shocked if Team Tango doesn’t win the battle after that kick-butt performance. I had to fight the urge to jump up and give war whoops. Carrie Ann spanked the men for using a lift. Yes, she literally spanked them. It was weird. Len said they’d had an easier task dancing a Tango in hold, but then called it “superior”. Bruno had high praise for all three celebs, too. Good review. Team Tango’s Dancing with the Stars week 7 group scores: 9, 9, 10. Wow, a 10 from Bruno and Mya’s not even on Team Tango!
Dancing with the Stars week 7 is in the books! So a prediction for tomorrow is what you want now. Hmm. I guess given the scores, it will take a miracle for Mark Dacascos to stay out of the bottom two. So I’ll put him there. I’ll also shine the red light on Michael Irvin because it’s time for him to go. But wait: Tomorrow night marks another stupid double elimination on Dancing with the Stars season 9, so we need another bottom three couple. Hmm. I’ll be crazy and say Mya. As if Bruno would ever allow that to happen! No clue who’ll get the boot.
(Dancing with the Stars week 7 derail: I’m coming back in here for a minute to address “DD” and his/her assertion below that I’m “hating on Mya”. I’m not. And I’m most offended by the suggestion that I have even a racist bone in my body. I liked Mel B. I liked Laila Ali. I loved Monique Coleman. So I certainly have no issues with a woman of color dancing with a “white dude” on Dancing with the Stars. I’ve merely been turned off by Mya and Dmitry’s (IMO, excessively) provocative dances. I don’t see anybody upset with me for calling Aaron Carter a crybaby week after week. I see a Spade, I call it a Spade: Mya’s dances have been slutty. Aaron has been a crybaby. ‘Nuff said.)
A’ight, that’s it from me. Tune into tomorrow’s Dancing with the Stars week 7 results show for performances by Rod Stewart, Colbie Calliat, and DWTS’ very own Ballas Hough Band. And of course, the double elimination. Of course, you could always just skip it and then check in with me. You know I’ll be watching.