David Letterman, long time comic foe of Sarah Palin, gave his wife some real heartache, and former Alaska Governor Palin a little smiling time. Letterman, who had to apologize for lewd jokes connecting Palin’s daughter sexually to Yankee slugger Alex ‘A Rod’ Rodriguez, is now embroiled in a sexual scandal he’d be the first to poke fun at, it if wasn’t happening to him.
The always acerbic talk show titan dumped the silly pet tricks, and the Sarah Palin Top Ten Lists, and came clean about his sexual escapades with show staffers and said, “This morning, I did something I’ve never done in my life,” said Letterman. “I had to go downtown and testify before a grand jury.”
Before the grand jury, Letterman testified about his sexual relationships with show staff members. “My response to that is, yes I have,” Letterman said. “Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would. I feel like I need to protect these people. I need to certainly protect my family.”
Letterman has never been shy about mercilessly roasting the famous for their sexual appetites. For years, he’s joked loud and long about such famous unfaithful figures as President Bill Clinton to former Governor Elliot Spitzer. Now, Letterman must instruct his own writers to craft a few barbs about his own adulterous adventures. Let’s give it a quick go here.
Top 10 Reasons Why David Letterman Had Affairs With Show Staffers
10. He’s the boss.
9. He was too lazy to go to a real brothel.
8. Show staffers already know what you look like early in the morning anyway.
7. Elliot Spitzer – Client Number 9 – refused to give Dave sex references.
6. Dave couldn’t allow Bill Clinton to be the top unfaithful celebrity in NYC.
5. Jay Leno has a new show and time slot. Dave has a new mistress, or two… or three..
4.He wanted to change stupid pet tricks into stupid marriage tricks.
3.He hatched the whole thing to take away all of Sarah Palin’s “Going Rogue” book publicity.
2.Madonna will eat pizza with him, but that’s all she’ll do.
And the number one reason why David Letterman had affairs with his show staffers:
Who cares, Sarah Palin is loving this!
No matter what happens now, no matter if David Letterman ultimately faces sexual harassment charges or may even get some real flack from employer CBS, it’s clear that one former Governor from Alaska must be enjoying Dave’s uncomfortable public spectacle.