Everyone brings some baggage to a relationship. Those who have lost a spouse as a result of a death bring some unique issues with them. So, how do you know if the widowed lady you adore will make a good wife?
It’s not unusual for a widowed individual to idealize the lost partner. People often feel that they don’t want to speak poorly of the dead or chose to only remember the good parts of the relationship. If they do this you will be compared to a ghost that never really existed and it will be hard to compete. If your lady is comparing you to him, hold off. She isn’t ready for as new relationship.
She has children living at home. It doesn’t matter how old they are. If they are living there they will be involved in your life on a daily basis. You may get along wonderfully with them now. But, as with any family, you can count on conflict arising at some point. Hopefully it will happen before you marry so you can see how she will handle herself. If you feel your opinions or feelings are being ignored or discounted assume that is how they will be handled in the future. People are usually on their best behavior during courtship. If you don’t like how family conflict is being handled now, you won’t like it any better in the future.
Discuss assets. People feel differently with insurance money they receive then with other savings. If such money exists make sure you know how they intend to use it. You may feel angry if you get into a financial bind and she won’t spend the money to help because it’s going to the kids. Furthermore, it is important that you discuss all your assets before you commit. Once you marry, money earned will be joint but how preexisting funds are spent is often another relationship killer. That’s where prenup contracts come in. Do you want one? Does she want one? Talk about this and understand them. You will definitely want an attorney for this.
Whose house do you live in? You love your house and she loves hers. You both don’t want to be where the previous lover lived. You can sell them both or rent them both or toss a coin to decide. If this is a real issue you might want a new house for the new relationship. Sometimes a total remodel of the bedroom will do. It’s important that everyone feels comfortable in their home and looks forward to coming back to it each night. Everyone’s feeling matter a lot so don’t think someone is being silly when they say they don’t want to live in your beautiful home. A willingness to leave the house is a good sign they are ready to move on and start fresh with you.
Don’t assume women are more sensitive than men and take longer to recover from a spouses’ death. It’s important that you are not being seen as a rescuer. You should feel that you are wanted, not needed. Waiting a little longer may prevent a divorce and a second painful loss.