We’ve all seen pictures of Santa Claus cruising around in his sleigh delivering gifts all over the world. Wonder if he gets hot in that heavy red suit? After all, he has to wear it in case someone sees him rummaging around their Christmas tree in the middle of the night. Otherwise, he’d probably be facing a visit from the local police department. I’ve been in a tropical location in mid Winter, and even at night temperatures are not cold enough to need those kind of clothes. I figure he’s bound to work up a sweat just swinging from house to house.
If Santa Claus is magical and can come down a chimney, why mess with it? I mean, if it’s that easy for him to get in someone’s house, why not just do his magic and zap himself right there into the room with the tree? Coming down a sooty ole chimney would be akin to climbing up through the sewer pipes. Seems pointless to me.
Does Rudolph’s red nose have a dimmer switch on it? I mean, that’s got to be tough on those other reindeer trying to get a little shuteye with that constant red glow in the dark. And let’s face it, in some neighborhoods, he might have the local men folk following him around thinking he’s a front man for the local party girls.
We all know Santa Claus lives at the North Pole in some secret location which can’t even be detected by satellite technology. According to legend, this is where his toy manufacturing facility is located. With that much room available, why doesn’t Santa expand his facility to include building cars and household appliances, thus expanding his inventory. I know you’re thinking about the delivery problems involved, but if he is capable of arranging enough toys to deliver to the entire world’s children population, surely he could figure out a way to move several cars at one time to a location.
Does anyone really eat that hard ribbon Christmas candy or is it just placed in candy dishes because of its bright and colorful decoration? When I was a kid, somebody always gave us a big tin of this stuff every year, and I think we pretty much had most of it left when Halloween rolled around. We did save a little on trick or treat candy, though, because you could wrap them up as individual pieces and toss them into the little goblins’ bag. The trick was to shut the door quickly, though, before they realized what you gave them.
Why do we allow Christmas movies and music convince us that there’s such a thing as a perfect Christmas? By the time Thanksgiving rolls around, we’re constantly bombarded with sentimental movies on television and music in every store in an effort to get us in a Christmas mood. If I have to watch one more commercial about the smell of coffee waking up the family in time to see Little Johnny returning home from working in Swaziland or somewhere, I don’t know how I’ll react. Yeah, sure, I had a little tear the first couple of times I saw it, too, but come on, not every child goes away from home for a year at a time. Shoot, some you can’t get out of the house for a couple of days at a time.
But back to my point, we get this idea that we can create this ideal Christmas, and the majority of the time, it’s just not going to happen. We buy all the right presents, cook all the right foods, and have the house decorated to the hilt, only to have your sister’s husband pick this moment to tell her he’s having an affair, or the dog accidentally grabs the tablecloth and spills your entire dinner onto the dining room floor. Your perfect Christmas goes kersplat just like that. Better we should just take it easy and enjoy the spontaneity of getting the clan together, laugh at the dumb jokes of that old uncle who tells the same ones every year, and eat tuna fish sandwiches. We might even enjoy it ourselves.