Have you heard the latest Halloween joke? How about an old Halloween joke (some of them have been around since they wrapped the first mummies)? Halloween is not only a night of frights and mock horror; it is often a holiday filled with humor. Individuals dress up in costumes of the latest caricature of some pop star or celebrity-of-the-moment, or they become a walking pun or statement — all intended for effect and amusement. (Like the guy who shows up at your door with newspaper obituaries glued to his person and a knife sticking out of his zombie head who dead-pans to the obligatory, “What are you supposed to be?”: “I’m a newspaper obit section: black and white and dead all over.”) Because Halloween doesn’t always have to be about the macabre — and a few jokes never killed anybody (although Dane Cook is trying his best with his godawful bombs).
A quick surf around the internet can produce quite a few Halloween jokes. So let’s see what we got in our grab bag (and none of that rock business, either — that poor Charlie Brown; it’s no wonder he saw a psychiatrist — bald at such a young age, abused by his peers, given rocks on Halloween by mean-spirited adults — and that Christmas tree…). Halloween.com is loaded with simple Q & A jokes:
Q: What do you give a skeleton for Valentine’s Day? A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar? A. For the Boos.
Q. Where do ghosts go out? A. Where they can get sheet-faced.
Q. What do you get when there is a witch in the desert? A. You get a sandwich.
Q. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Halloween party? A. Because he had no body to go with.
Dane Cook is sounding better and better, huh? Maybe jokes that aren’t geared to the punny side of things would work a little better but they seem to be in short supply. More Q & A jokes at CavernsofBlood.com:
Q. Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death? A. He couldn’t find any dloob…
Q. Did you hear about the cannibal that was expelled from school? A. He was buttering up his teacher.
Q. Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in the jungle?
Q. What did the skeleton say to the bartender? A. I’ll have two beers… and a mop.
Q. What did one ghost ask the other ghost? A. Do you believe in people?
On second thought, Dane Cook is starting to look somewhat amusing after reading all these Halloween jokes. Quick, somebody throw in a George Carlin DVD!! Oh, the horror, the horror…
For more adult-oriented humor, go to JokeCenter.com’s Halloween jokes section. The jokes are titled. This writer suggests “Best Comeback Line Ever.” If you’re stuck on one-liners, there’s quite a few of them there as well.