These are my final moments as a free man. No more free time with my friends, no more leaving town on a spontaneous urge, no more me, no more fun. After tonight I will be accompanied by a stroller. My eyes will be heavy and sleep deprived. My dreams end here as there will be no room for taking risks. Am I sure this kid is even mine? What if the little whore cheated on me? She hasn’t touched me in ages and she use to be so sexual, and now she’s not? I bet she found someone else to satisfy those urges and has nothing left for me. I must demand a test!
Hospital machines start beeping and buzzing, the hospital staff starts to panic. I’m rushed out of the room.
“What’s going on?”
“Your wife, she may not make it.”
I immediately regret everything I was thinking. I know how true and loyal she is. I was just scared of the changes ahead of me, but to lose her in any form is a nightmare I could never recover from. No matter how bad things were out in the world I could always find sanctuary in her love. She is the rainbow at the end of a storm. I would often hold her in my embrace and wish there was a way I could go back in time and be there for her to make sure she would never have to feel any pain. I’d get sad knowing that I couldn’t. I can’t survive without her, my heart needs her to beat. This little stranger wants to take her away from me. I feel guilty since I’m the one who planted this parasite inside her. I will not raise it. No man should ever be expected to take care of his wife’s murderer.
They deliver the news. She didn’t make it.
Anger fills the void left by her absence.
The nurse asks me, “Do you want to hold her?”
I reply, “No.”
The nurse is surprised and saddened “I think it’s important you hold her.”
I reply, “No!”
The nurse is persistent. “Well at least look at her.” She says it in a stern tone with tears in her eyes.
My wife was killed by this little stranger and I’m the bad guy. I walk over and take a look down, but I do not see the eyes of a stranger in fact I know these eyes, I’ve loved those eyes for the past ten years.
I whisper, “She lives.”
In this little girl my wife lives on. Immediately I can’t help but to think of all the scary dangers in this world and how I can protect my little girl from each and every one of them.
My first words to her: “Your mother gave her life for you and so will I.”
My heart stings thinking about my wife. Her tiny hand grabs my finger and instantly I find sanctuary in her love.