If you watch horror movies, you can often sense what is coming. Some of those feelings are scary all on their own. I found from watching scary movies several things everyone should know, especially if you get trapped into a horror movie situation.
Number One – If you are a teen, never ever have sex if a killer is on the loose. It seems every slasher first looks to teenagers who have either just had sex or are about to. I’m not sure if it turns the killer on or just makes them more angry. But sex in horror movies means you are about to die.
Number Two – Don’t ever think you killed someone with one gunshot or one stab. These slashers never die. Each time I watch Halloween, I automatically yell at Laurie not to drop the knife after she stabs Michael Myers. She always does and it makes me mad every time. Hold onto any weapon you can as long as you can. Probably hold it until you are dead.
Number Three – If you are not the main character, you will die. Sometimes, you may live until the sequel, but you usually do not make it past that. Of course, as previously stated you will only make it to the sequel if you remain a virgin.
Number Four – Don’t run up the stairs when the killer is after you. Why do people run up and not down or out of a house? Once you reach the top, you have no where to go. People need to stop and think instead of following the typical horror path. You will die or be forced to climb the roof and eventually fall to the ground and die.
Number Five – Screamers will die but not right away. If you see someone in a horror movie that screams loudly and obnoxiously they will die but it may take time. I always want the screamer to shut up and root for them to be killed first. It does not happen. They need to keep the screamer alive to make the movie more exciting.
Number Six – Don’t lock yourself in a room or a house. The slasher just ripped your friends head off, what makes you think they can’t break the door down? Where will you go then? It’s just as bad as running upstairs. What are these people thinking?
Number Seven – The phone will be dead or no one will answer if you get through. How many times have people tried to make a phone call for help in a horror movie to find the phone not working? Um, 99 out of 100 times. Killers know to cut the lines. I’m not sure how but they even scramble your cell phone so forget that too.
Number Eight – If it is thundering and lightening you will lose power. I have maybe 30 thunderstorms a year, where I live. Maybe once a year I lose electricity for 5 minutes. In a horror movie, bad weather guarantees loss of electricity at least until the movie is almost over.
Number Nine – Never trust anyone. If you do not know who the killer is, don’t trust your boyfriend or girlfriend. The killer is usually the last person you suspect. Horror writers know enough to make other people look guilty while only leaving very subtle clues about the real killer. Yet everyone thinks it is the most obvious person. Grow-up people and don’t trust anyone. The nicer they are, the more likely they are the psychopath.
Number Ten – Your car will never start on the first try. It may start when the killer is about to get you but not before then. I’m not sure just who made these cars, but in every horror movie, people either cannot get the key in the ignition or if they do, it won’t start. What the heck? That never happens if the killer is not after you. And one last thing is if you do get your car started right away, please look in the back seat. I’m sure the axe murderer will be there.
If you remember these simple steps, you too will be able to survive a horror movie. Or at least until the sequel.