As a newlywed myself, I understand the frustrations that new couples go through. We waited until after we were married to move in together. So five days after the wedding, we were moving all of my stuff from Virginia to South Carolina. Besides feeling very overwhelmed with the move itself, we then had to figure out how to live with each other.
Marriage itself is not easy, but it is especially difficult at the beginning. There are so many emotions, ideas, and dreams that surround the wedding itself that it is easy to get caught up and forget reality. After the glitter from the wedding wears off, you each really get to see each other. The good and the bad will come to the surface and the tension will get thick sometimes. Just remember that you married this person because you love them!
While moving in, try your hardest not to snap at each other. It might get hot, adrenaline might be pumping from moving heavy things, but just try to keep a calm head. Usually conflicts start from little annoyances piling up. Try to be understanding with each other and do not answer questions in an irritated tone. The tone of your voice says a lot to the other person, so make an effort to be aware of how you are coming across.
Do not just declare which dresser is yours or which side of the bed you get. Talk about it with each other. Try and be sensitive to the other person’s preferences. Try and compromise if neither of you are willing to budge on specific preferences. It helps to be flexible in this area, because in the end, the little things will not matter. You got married because you love each other, and sacrifice is part of love. A marriage is a give and take relationship, so make sure you are giving just as much as you can!
My husband and I made the mistake of trying to do too much all at once. I tried to get all of my unpacking done in one day. After the honeymoon, try and have a couple extra days off of work to move in without being rushed. Take a break in the afternoon and go watch a movie together, or just sit out on the porch after dinner and watch the sunset. Having this time together will help to reduce the stress of both of you. During your break do your best not to think or talk about unpacking or improvements that need to be done to the house, just relax!
When either of you feel the tension rising or if one of you snaps at the other, separate. Just get into different rooms for a few minutes, take deep slow breaths. Keep in mind that it won’t be the end of the world if he puts the pot holders in with the serving spoons, or if she put the DVDs in the cabinet instead of on the shelf. They are just little details that the both of you will work out, but take a break for at least 5 minutes from each other. this 5 minutes will help you each to cool down so that you do not snap or have fight.
I am looking forward to growing with my husband and getting to know him better. I try to be understanding with him and he tries to be understanding with me. Being understanding is a fundamental tool in every marriage relationship. Good luck and remember that your love was made to endure!