Throughout history there have been times when men were put in charge of planning the wedding, and I would venture a strong guess that during those times there were very few weddings taking place! Mainly because we think there is no need to waste time on something this mundane, that is an old fashioned way of thinking, the modern man would be wise to pay more attention to the wedding planning taking place right behind his back!
Unbeknownst to us, It starts out after just a few dates, in many cases the future bride has been making plans with her friends about the wedding day she dreams about since the she was a little girl. Meanwhile the future groom is pretty much just wondering how much she really likes me?
Technically cavemen were the first men to make plans for their own weddings, way back when this sort of thing was a rather simple affair. There was not a lot of messing about, and the actual wedding ceremony looked a lot like their bachelor parties. Considering all the things that could go wrong with his wedding day plans, clubbing and dragging the hotties back to his cave probably took quite a bit more planning that one might have previously imagined.
It seems to me that men and women get married for similar reasons, and sharing your thoughts on these should be one of the first priorities in any relationship. Once you have discovered the root of your shared wants and needs, it should make planning your life together a shared experience.
Watching how the wedding planning process has evolved into the crazy town antics we take for normal these days, it becomes crystal clear that it is quite unfair to expect the future bride to plan an entire wedding with little or no help from the groom! In all fairness to the men out there who want to help, the ladies would be wise to give our crazy wedding day ideas a chance! some of them might actually work, and may turn out to be fun! If the man offers to be of some help during the wedding planning process, then by all means, the woman should be happy to share the planning responsibilities of their big day together. Men would be adored by women the world over if he spent as much time on planning his wedding as he spends on the fantasy football draft.
Me personally, I would do pretty much what I am doing with this article, first I would be elated to have something new and exciting to be working on. Then I would spend days searching the internet for cool and novel wedding planning ideas. Next I would go out and solicit advice from all my friends, mostly the ones who would not laugh at me for doing such a silly thing as planning my own wedding. As time wore on I would notice how little was actually getting done without any outside help. Predictably I would begin the slow and inevitable decline into the burning ring of panic where the mere thought of making a decision on what color to have the groomsman wear would make me seize up in terror. Finally when the eleventh hour approached I would have to bail on some of my more grand delusions, streamline the plan down to the bare necessities, and just get on with the darned event already!
In reality I would probably handle a wedding exactly the same way I handle any complex task with multiple inputs, and only one reasonable outcome. I would start at the desired end-point and work my way backwards toward today. This method of planning has served me well over the years, because it helps me to prioritize exactly what I should be doing and when it needs to be done.
One of the first things to consider will be the honeymoon, do you even need one? really? can’t we just go to Georgetown Kentucky since I have to work that weekend? oops, another story for another day. But seriously the honeymoon planning can be even more fun than the actual honeymoon! Rule number one of the honeymoon, it is definitely more fun if you are the only couple celebrating your honeymoon. If there are hundreds of other couples on a honeymoon cruise, then trust me you will definitely not feel very “special” We did the Poconos and it was an interesting experience to say the least!
In the process of planning the wedding, and working backwards next you would plan the reception, then the actual wedding ceremony, and finally the bachelor and bachelorette parties. See how simple this is, when you break it down into smaller chunks planning a wedding seems more manageable already right?
Any event the size and depth of a wedding requires some initial brainstorming to help you whittle the black hole of planning into something more manageable. You should have only one initial brainstorming session where you jot down all the creative ideas that you feel may tickle your future brides fancy. If you are lucky and wise enough to go easy on the liquor, you just may get to tickle her fancy again later on too!
So the brainstorming would go something like this: hey guys what do you think I should do for my wedding, guys: will there be beer? me: hell yes! guys: count us in! Then I would ask my female friends for advice, and they would lay out a wedding day fantasy that Walt Disney could never have imagined. Then I would select a few of the more choice ideas and end up somewhere in between the two extremes.
The master planning list would consist of at least some of these ideas:
I would start the process by picking a day when she is not going to be at work, because no-one wants to say “I do” right after taking a bunch of crap for eight hours from a group of time wasting morons on a power trip, plus dealing with customers as well! This is probably true even if she loves her job! You will both need time to prepare so that you can be at your best when the big moment arrives.
As for the wedding reception, I would definitely find a place where the cost is free, or at least very low. Keeping in mind that the ambiance must be up to a respectable level. As much fun as it might be to find a Hooters that will let you have the reception in their dining room, there are bound to be some guests who will be somewhat offended when they learn that they have to pay for their own 20 oz draft beers!
If my bride is allergic to fresh lowers, then silk and plastic arrangements here we come! Even if she is not, the fresh flower thing is so costly, and you can do a lot more fun stuff with the money saved here if you skip the fresh flowers!
I would do the food like a potluck dinner, entry to the reception is free providing you bring a dish of some sort. if it looks too good to eat, put it on the bake sale table, since we are trying to get some extra $ to pay off some combined credit card debt.
There would be a simple sheet cake, which is exactly what the kitchen staff cuts up for you in a lot of cases anyhow, in fact the “show cake” sometimes does not even have more than one slice which is cut for the photos! Also on the list of options I suggest is to forget about the cake and have many flavors of fresh baked pies. We live near a large Amish community in Geauga County Ohio, and there are a number of places where you can buy fresh baked pies for only a few bucks. In fact most of the men I know really do love their cherry pie!
As for dress code for the big day, I would go with business casual. First almost everyone I have ever met knows exactly what this means, pretty much; no daisy duke shorts, and the mens shirts should have sleeves. Topless is a possibility at the reception, but the bride has to approve the candidate first. Shoes are not optional! It would be a cold day in hell before I made any of my chums waste good money on a suit that no doubt countless poor bastards have shat in, or regurgitated on at one time or another. Business casual is what you see at many public functions such as fundraisers, on television and in the movies. What part of us not wanting to dress exactly like everyone else do we not seem to get people? Bridesmaids and groomsmen do not have to all dress in the same silly outfit to have a nice looking wedding party! If everyone is having a good time, and they are happy to be there, then their smiles will say more than enough!
The bride can wear any dress she can reasonably afford. While I realize this is a special day for any bride, she should bear in mind that she is not doing this thing alone! There are a lot of players on the field with her, and the groom is not just popping in for a cameo, he too is in it for the long haul, and there are two whole families that are being joined together through your wedding as well. So to making it “Her Day” is unfair to the groom, and I feel that it is very selfish of any bride to believe this is how it should be. My bride should find a nice dress that could easily be worn in public again. although just like a one of a kind ultra expensive wedding gown, she would probably never wear the same dress again anyhow.
I would opt out of the traditional wedding band deal, and go straight for the tattoo shop. I would have a matching design in mind for both of us to get, and would also think about getting a separate and different one to commemorate the day. Having had a few tattoos done the same day, I would not want to stretch it out, just get it done all at once!
One of the stickiest issues regarding who can come to your wedding revolves around how much per plate it costs to cater the day, and therefore how many folks can you afford to feed? So I have already taken care of this with the pot luck food idea. Another bone of contention is about who gets along well with whom? I say so what if Uncle Albert can’t stand Ruby Tuesday, I think people should set aside their differences until they get to the parking lot after the wedding reception, then they can wail on each other until the sun comes up or the cops come, whichever happens first.
Seating at the reception should be first come first seated, but in order to get this choice seating, you must have attended the wedding ceremony. Once all the wedding ceremony attendees are seated, then the “reception only” crowd can have at it. Yes it may become a free for all, but it is incentive to get your butts out of bed on time for once!
Historically people have attempted to be very clever with the mode of transportation used for the bride and groom between the ceremony, pictures, reception hall, and finally the hotel or home. Some have used hot air balloons, horse drawn carriages, rickshaws, and the traditional limousine, which is too plain Jane for me. I would like to be driven around all day in one of those giant old fashioned yellow taxi cabs that you see in the movies. How cool would that be! Set it up with a bar, and wireless internet, now i am starting to want one!
Alcohol consumption should be monitored to make sure people are having just as much fun as possible without becoming obnoxious. Have the bartender watch for the classic signs that someone has been over-served. inappropriate commentary, drooling, sloppy business casual outfit, and toilet paper stuck anywhere on their person. Plus they may have been at the bar for hours on end, or maybe even have thrown up on themselves one too many times today. Seriously, it is not fun to have a drunken brawl on the day which is supposed to be fun for everyone. Think about it, surely you can have only one or two to celebrate the day, and go home sober for once?
Setting up a bridal registry seems low rent to me, and I would love to see this classless activity cease and desist. If anyone wants to get you a gift, then that is very nice, but I hope they know you well enough to know that it would not bother you one bit if they came empty handed. It is not about the booty or the loot, it is about sharing your wedding day with your closest friends and family.
Plan to have a vow renewal after a preset time frame, one year, five years, ten years, etc. make it very informal yet make it special somehow. This will give you something fun to look forward to as the sticker shock sets in. You will know each other much better by then, and can make it a day to reconnect with each other.
The ultimate solution to planning any event with your fiance or your bride is to work on it together. Share the responsibilities and you will have a lot more fun doing this thing together! Make every wedding planning day a fun event that you look forward to. Have a good time with all the possibilities you can dream up for your day. Ultimately you will have the rest of your life to chat about what went right on your wedding day!