This is for those who love love and desire a wonderful relationship with them self as well as a significant other. I wanted to interview Lesley mainly because of her insight and passion to help others. You will see what I mean as you read this interview.
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Viktorya: Can you give us a glimpse of your past? Please tell us how it has impacted you and inspired you to be the author that you are today.
Lesley: I was in an abusive relationship by 14, got out by 15 1/2, never healed and went. Never been without a boyfriend after that. I was angry, hurt, confused and too prideful and afraid to talk to my strong mother or anyone about my problems. My friends knew but they were in the same boat and fought their boyfriends. I did too. But I knew this wasn’t right and didn’t know who I was at the time.
Viktorya: I can definitely relate to that one. Not when I was 14, though, but later in my life. The book “19 Reasons Why He Really Left You Honey” is an interesting title for a book. Why 19 and not 20 or 15? Is there a reason behind the number 19 in this book?
Lesley: Later on, I was started dating different kind of guys, one married, one jail bird, one egotistical and I never strained out any good qualities. I did a lot of sweeping under the rug of my issues and it would be years before I knew how or that I could do something about it. Then I fell in love. He was different, polite, no record, kids, just dreams and good attitude. I was scared and intrigued at the same time. I learned about being forgiven and right from wrong. Then it didn’t take long after he fell in love with me that I started the cycle of my issues again. He stood by me, helped me to change, but after I kept breaking my promises, he eventually left.
I started to realize the faults, lessons learned and I was ready for a change. I started writing the book as a joke with my girlfriend but then it got serious. I was really learning new lessons and thought if I was going through this pain and had a hard time breaking self destructive habits like, arguing, being defensive, control issues, etc. Then there must be other women and men who are going though the same thing. I kept a journal of the things that I needed to fix and there were 19 and that’s how I came up with the number.
Viktorya: Do you have any advice for someone who really never had a chance at a relationship with someone that they really like, fell in love with or wanted more than friendship? What should they do if they can’t get past the “what if”? What would you tell another woman? How about a man? What kind of advice would you give them?
Lesley: I would ask them how many lives do they have to waste? No, is not going to bite you. No just means no, but you have to put yourself out there to take a chance. The reasons why other people are successful is because they believe in themselves. When I’m interested in a guy, if I know they’re single and it’s been established that we get along, I don’t let negative thoughts stop me. That’s how you have to think. You have to know why you are unique and what is special about you. Otherwise you will not believe it and neither will anyone else.
When you’re confident you don’t have to be pushy, you set the tone for them to follow. Stick around “relationship” people. Talk to them and see how they interact with their partner. There are those who are in a committed relationship and still think they’re single and there ate those who do the right thing.
Viktorya: That is very interesting and I think that you have answered a few things for me. In the phrase “you come off too strong”, can you tell us what that means? If someone (man or woman) has a strong and natural tendency to just be loving and nice, where should the line be drawn? I am speaking in regards of kindness, not anything sexual.
Lesley: I think if you are truly a nice person, you don’t have to advertise it to the the world. They will see it by your actions. You also don’t have to buy or manipulate others into liking you, because you are confident in yourself. Relax and slow down. If you feel the pressure to be accepted by someone, ask yourself, what makes them so special that you have to try so hard? Are you that way for the ones who love you the most? If not, you need to train them how to treat you, but first you have to train yourself.
Viktorya: You make some great points. I guess it is all a learning process. This may seem like a funny question, but here goes… What are the dangers in cooking for a male friend? What does this do to him? Can you give a female analogy or what equates to cooking for a man, so that the ladies can see the comparison?
Lesley: The dangers in cooking for a man might not be dangerous if you’re doing it in a robe and sweatpants with rollers in your hair. Seriously, if it’s for his birthday and you want to bake a cupcake that’s fine. Cooking steak and potatoes, that’s different territory.
Unless it’s a holiday and he’s invited over for Thanksgiving, the only meal that I am preparing is for my man. However, if you’re in the market and find a guy that you’re interested in, this is a great way to impress. It wouldn’t hurt to wear something form fitting either.
Viktorya: Ah, okay. That is totally understandable. In 10 words or less, please explain what scares a man off quicker than anything else?
Lesley: A woman who does not know herself or role.
Viktorya: So we are not being biased, how about what scares a woman off the quickest, in 10 words or less?
Lesley: A man who does not have direction or fear God.
Viktorya: In the synopsis of your book 19 Reasons Why He Left You Honey, you gave a clue about the book having a comical tone. Can you explain this?
Lesley: 19 Reasons Why He Left You Honey? is designed to let the reader see themselves in the main character, Honey. The best way to grab their attention is by looking at someone else’s life, add humor, and realistic dialogs that lets the story resonate with their own situation. My goal is to share hard lessons learned and provide guidance to the readers without the judgment. This book is for people who are ready to change.
Viktorya: Hey, sounds great! Oh, while we are on that subject, I love the idea of various personality types for the character, Honey? Can you tell us a little about that?
Lesley: Honey is simply a metaphor for issues like, Argumentative Honey, Defensive Honey, Control Freak Honey, just to mention a few. I believe there is a Honey in all of us. We can be sweet, but sticky and the sticky part of us has to be dealt with.
Viktorya: In regards to your book Love Prescribed, I wanted a feel of what inspired this book.
Lesley: I was inspired to write “Love Prescribed” to help give readers a dosage of do’s and don’ts in their relationship. From my experiences, I have learned what works and doesn’t work to keep a relationship strong. This eBook is for those who are looking for advice on everyday problems in their love life. It covers topics like, ” 4 Ways To Take initiative In Bed & Be Happy About It” or ” How To Get The Respect That You Truly Desire” or “Do Less Babbling and More Straight Talking.”
Viktorya: What do you mean by the book giving readers privacy and confidentiality?
Lesley: Have you ever seen a person on the train read a book and the book cover is missing or strategically concealed? I was told to not write books about relationship advice because people don’t want to be told what to do. To put that notion to rest, I am not telling others what to do. I am sharing what has not worked and what works with my readers.
If they want change, they have to change themselves first and I hope they receive my message in a positive way. For those who are private and prefer to learn my tips privately, they do not have to worry about confidentiality and safety when they download my eBook.
Viktorya: Ahh yes, that is awesome! It is exactly what I wanted to hear!! The Love Game- What is it?
Lesley: It’s the hide and seek, cat and mouse game that we play when we want someone or don’t want them anymore like we used to. I say to put away the childish ways, be honest, not pushy about what you want and what you don’t want anymore.
Viktorya: I agree! Please explain to us why when two people break up, they don’t want to see the other person with someone else? A lot of times, the person who broke it off is the one who seems to be upset the most. Why is that?
Lesley: If I had to put myself in their shoes, I would say that maybe when they broke up, it was not necessarily what they wanted to do, but it had to be done. Perhaps one person was unstable or had trust issues, addiction problems for example. Or they have selfishness inside of them that they have to deal with.
Sometimes when a relationship is over, we see that person with someone else and all of a sudden they look better to us. I think it’s our ego that gets hurt and we can’t stand to see that it’s not about us anymore. We don’t want to see someone be better, or treated better than us, even though when we had that person, we didn’t appreciate them, the way we should have.
Viktorya: You make some good points there. thanks for that perspective. What advice would you give a couple who were never really dating, they don’t know what to do after so long and the both of them know that there is something there? What would you suggest to them?
Lesley: I would say to not take themselves too seriously. In other words have fun and while having fun, test the waters. See what the other person wants and if it matches up with what you want. I hate to see when people put their life on hold, based on assuming. I have a chapter in Love Prescribed called “Stop Assuming and Start Talking.”
Say what you mean to say and if they want something that you don’t want, then don’t waste your time in having a relationship. Some people say they can have no strings attached relations and they would be fine, but why sell yourself short? Feelings grow stronger after a while, and if you know that you are a relationship kind of person, then hold out and make sure that they want the same thing, too. Don’t try to force anyone to love or be with you, if they say they want to be friends, that’s what they mean.
Viktorya: Some more good points and I totally agree with a lot of it. After all, people should be friends at first. Then there are those who really do want to be friends. There are also situations where love is so blind, we just don’t see that there is more than friendship there. Please tell us more about your books and how we can get them.
Lesley: 19 Reasons Why He Really Left You Honey is available on my website www.lesleynurse.com (for autograph copy) or amazon.com.
Love Prescribed will be available soon on amazon.com.
“19 Reasons Why He Really Left You Honey!” is a fantastic, easy read that blends together short stories with attitude and resolutions in a comical way. Honey is the main character and represents 19 issues like arguing, power struggles, etc. and provides real advice with proven results at the end of each chapter.
Love Prescribed is the Nurse’s recommendation of what to do and not to do in your relationship. These are touchy questions that are finally answered from experience, in a straight forward relationship advice eBook that can be downloaded instantly.
Viktorya: Is there anything else you want to share?
Lesley: Ladies and gentlemen, I have interviewed many women and men and there are many people suffering in silence. They are dealing with a bad relationship and making excuses to stay, when they really want to go. My books help open the dialog, prompt you to think from a different perspective and hopefully inspire you enough to change. You will not be disappointed. I am also available for interviews, speaking engagements and writing projects. Please drop by my blog at, http://lesleydnurse.blogspot.com/ to see my latest entries.
Viktorya: I want to interview you at a later time on more specific issues, if you wouldn’t mind. Thanks!
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It sure was a pleasure doing this interview. I learned a lot of new things. There were also things that I already knew from my own experiences. Okay, now who would want to see Lesley interview me?
