In socializing and dating, sometimes we find ourselves feeling out of place. Like nobody gets us, our values, our thoughts. When you feel that way, you may be right!
Many people live their entire lives within a limited geographic area, never leaving one state or even city, aside from short vacations. Others move from one place to another, yet seek out the same social circle they left in another place.
It can be quite difficult to go beyond your personal comfort zone and seek out different people to associate with. Yet many of us are not truly comfortable in our own comfort zone! If you feel like nobody understands you, take a good look at yourself. Do your ideas and opinions make sense? Do you think you have a solid value system? Do you feel like you have to change things about yourself to have a social life?
Have you ever met a person who was well traveled? They have a confidence without defensiveness which less traveled people do not have. The reason is simple. In traveling, one is exposed to different frames of thought, different sides of society, different ways of doing things. A person who has traveled learns that some aspects of themselves may fit in well in some places, while the same aspect does not fit at all somewhere else. They learn to define themselves apart from their location, decide what their own values are and hold onto them, no matter what the people around them may say.
If you feel out of place where you are, this does not mean you have to move all over the world to find a place where you fit in. One of the first things to consider is if maybe your social circle is the wrong circle for you.
If you have an open mind and feel that gay marriage is okay and should be legalized, you may find yourself keeping your thoughts to yourself with members of your church group. Maybe it’s time to voice your thoughts aloud or maybe it’s time to consider a different church.
There are times we remain in one place geographically or even emotionally just for a sense of connection to the past. Then there are times that connection is only in our minds. We may frequent one church, one restaurant, etc which our grandparents went to many years ago. However, our grandparents may no longer be there and the people they associated with who made them comfortable may no longer be there, either. Or they are there but you don’t feel so comfortable with them. Or perhaps you find yourself living in a community which defines itself as “traditional”, while your own ideas are progressive. Many times in such situations, you may be told something is wrong with you when there is not. That is, aside from social circle or location.
If you feel uneasy at the thought of moving, your first choice should be to find new social connections. That does not mean you have to completely leave old connections behind. It may just mean voicing your opinion more and finding others who share your own values and opinions.
However, if you have the freedom of choice and action, moving to a new place can be the best choice. Breaking old bonds can sometimes be painful but can be the best thing for you. New bonds form, sometimes quickly and sometimes not so quickly but it happens if you let it. Breaking old bonds which were harmful to you and finding new ones which are supportive can completely reinvent you as a person.
So, whatever your situation, look up new clubs, new social arrangements, even investigate new places to live. Look up message boards online related to hobbies, interests and locations which call to you. Take chances or research thoroughly, whichever is your personal bent. Whatever you do, if you feel out of place, find a new place. Someday, you may return and find it was the right place after all. Or maybe not.