Before keywords, before SEO, before subscribers, I was writing merrily along wondering why no one was reading my stuff. Like my Halloween Winning Decorated pumpkin article. Or the hilarious one I wrote about Unemployed squash. Or even my Halloween Ghosty poem. You know, the ghost who wasn’t poltergeisty, or even very feisty? Of course you don’t know, you didn’t read it.
Like my Sing along Fall Foliage article. “The Falling Leaves Drift By My Dumpster..The Falling Leaves So Full of Mold.” Boy, if you had read that one you would be saying lol, rofl, lmao, and even lmko* (*laughing my kazinkas off. Russian slang.) But you didn’t read it. You didn’t even know about it. And I know why.
The no subscriber syndrome.
Late last September, when I started writing for AC, hardly anyone read my stuff. I only had the two subscribers: Morag and Allene. Then Bat Canary came along, and eventually Maria, and Sheryl and the Donald, and I sobbed with gratitude. But not you. Until now.
The obscure headline tendency.
Why were the words and wit of Linda Louise Johnson so widely ignored? Well, back then I specialized in obscure and quirky headlines. Who would think to google “The falling leaves drift by my dumpster?” Or “Unemployment up among squash.” Obviously not you. By the time I got to the pumpkin decorating article it occurred to me to put Halloween in the headline and some folks actually clicked in.(And still are, bless them.) Ahhah, I thought. Halloween must be a keyword.
What IS a keyword, anyway? I wondered. Why isn’t kazinkas a keyword? Or is it? (Just in case: Kazinkas, kazinkas, kazinkas. There, that oughta be plenty.) But really. Did I need to find out what SEO stood for? (That’s the only time I’m going to use the term SEO, because I’m not an SEO ho, who uses SEO just to use SEO. ) I read articles like How to use Keywords to Get More Page Views Because of Your Keywords. Followed by “If you don’t know how to use keywords to get more page views because of the keywords you use, here is how to use keywords to get page views because of the keywords you use.” Not exactly Shakespeare.
What if the Bard had known about keywords? Would he have peppered every page with them? Written, “To sleep perchance to dream, if you want to sleep perchance to dream, here is a scene about how to sleep perchance to dream.” Would he have tried to make “Out Damn Spot” searchable? No, perchance not.
Perchance I could plug some in.
Might I go back to these early sparkling writings, and plug in a keyword here and there to trick you into reading them? Good idea. Except I wrote them as non exclusive, so I can’t edit them, update them or get rid of them. And I didn’t even ask for up front money. Duh.
Attention, Quirky Readers.
However, I do think some of my quirkier readers would actually like this stuff. And I don’t expect them to go back and scroll through one hundred and twenty six articles. So to make it easy for you, I’ve included links here for 4 seasonal articles hardly anybody read last year. (I swear this has nothing to do with page views, SEO or clout numbers. Although I am in danger of lagging way behind in Han Van Meegerin’s latest contest.)
Here they are:
Sing along (Fall Foliage)