In the aftermath of the near-collapse of the American economy while in the hands of people who believe in the runaway train heading for a crossing blocked with a school bus carrying kindergartners that is pure unregulated capitalism, some people might be forgiven for wanting to get away from the next big American business industry to collapse under the weight of Barack Obama’s misplaced trust in old-style American capitalism and look for a job far away from the madding influence of unwise economic advisers with an R located next to their names. If you are one of those people displaced by the eight year run of big business being allowed to write its own rules, or you are just a loner, then consider these job opportunities that will give you time to ponder how Marx got so much right and Adam Smith got so very, very much wrong.
While America still has forests, there will still be a need for fire lookouts. So far no there has bee no successful technology developed for military use that can provide an early warning system for fires better than good old human peepers. That means no technology has yet been adapted for non-military purposes yet. That means there is still a need for fire lookouts. Your job will require little more than perching in a high tower and keeping an eye out for smoke. The job is lonesome, but perfect for writing a novel and getting away from mainstream American media’s obsessions with dead celebrities and non-news like Obama-Gates. You will likely have a very rustic cabin in which to live and get paid around ten bucks an hour.
When books are written about just how far society fell in the 21st century they will mention reality TV shows, the Republican Party, and the fact that you can actually get paid to advertise a product on your body via tattoo. Yes, if you are willing to advertise a product-usually web site-on your body in non-permanent ink for a month, you could potentially make upwards of $3,000 a month. At some point the tattoo went from being the ultimate in rebellious activity to the ultimate in conformist activity. Piercing your body parts followed the next Tuesday. There is probably a way to advertise with nipple rings or tongue studs; I don’t know and I don’t want to know. But I do know if you are a loner who doesn’t want to get a job dealing with idiotic bosses (or idiotic editors the way I have to do at other places where I write) then you just strip off your shirt and sign up to advertise with ink and spend your day walking along the beach or through a park. The only catch for loners is that if someone inquires about your tattoo you are required to shill it up.
Remember when Henry Winkler tried to break free of Fonzie by starring in a movie opposite this unknown kid named Harrison Ford? The movie was called Heroes and Fonzie’s dream was to become a worm farmer. Don’t laugh. If he’d been successful back in 1978 getting that worm farm going, he’d have more money now than the steel workers and auto workers and Lehman Brothers flunkies have now. Big business still hasn’t found a way to drive worm farms out of business in America, though no doubt they are working on it. Worm farmers get paid by the pound and trust me when I tell you that you don’t even want to know who is buying these worms and why. What you do want to know is that the price for a pound of worms is around $20 today and they reproduce more than Angelina Jolie and there is little overhead. Live out Fonzie’s dream and make a killing as a worm farmer.