According to the New York Post, New York Giants wide receiver, Plaxico Burress has just hired a prison consultant to help him spend his time ‘more productively’ during his expected two year prison sentence. Plaxico Burress is likely to be given a two year prison sentence next week for reckless endangerment and illegal possession of a weapon after accidentally shooting himself in the leg at a New York night club last year. He has also been suspended from the NFL. So, it stands to reason, a prison consultant might be just what Burress needs.
The prison consultant is being hired to teach Plaxico Burress how to handle himself in prison, how to be productive and, hopefully, how not to make the same mistakes twice (although looking at Plaxico Burress’ record already, that’s probably not likely to happen).
What blows my mind about Plaxico Burress and the many other celebrities like him – Robert Downey Jr., Paris Hilton, Martha Steward, Larry King, Mike Tyson – is what were they thinking when they decided to participate in these illegal acts? After all, being some of the most famous people in the world, you’d think they could do something more productive and fullfilling with their lives than rape (Mike Tyson), drugs (Robert Downey Jr.), driving under the influence (Paris Hilton), illegal trading (Martha Stewart) and grand larceny (Larry King). Surely, with all the money they have, the influence, the time and the access to things the rest of us will never have access to, why can’t they lead a more productive life than throwing it away on stupid things that, in the grand scheme of life, mean nothing?
As for Plaxico Burress, he’s not only going to prison for two years for illegal weapons charges, he’s also been up in the past for domestic disturbance charges, has four driving violations in Florida he’ll have to answer to soon, and is in the middle of a civil lawsuit filed by a Florida woman who says he rear-ended her car and then didn’t have car insurance to pay for it (he’d let his insurance lapse a few days before). Oh, and did I mention he was also the subject of a civil suit after he borrowed a car from a Pennsylvania car dealer for a publicity engagement and just didn’t bother to return it? What’s wrong with this guy? Could he be any more stupid?
What’s even more stupid about Plaxico Burress’ weapons violation is, if he’d secured the gun correctly in the first place, he would never have shot himself in the leg and never have had to face illegal weapons charges. I mean who but an idiot walks into a New York night club with a gun casually shoved down the waistband of his sweat pants? Apparently, when Burress felt the gun slipping down his leg, he reached down for it, accidentally grabbed the trigger and shot himself in the thigh. Please. What a moron! If you’re going to carry a gun, at least buy a proper holster so you don’t accidentally shoot yourself or some other poor soul sitting near you.
Meanwhile, New York Giants fans will have to wait at least a year and nine months before they can see Plaxico Burress play football again, as that is the time he will be spending in jail before he’s eligible for parole. Hopefully, while he’s there, his prison consultant can help him get a grip on his life, have him do something productive, and get his head screwed on correctly so, when he does come out of jail, he doesn’t repeat the same mistakes again. And hopefully, the prison consultant will also help prevent him from being someone’s bitch, as we don’t want the resulting anger of that scenario being let loose on America.
For the rest of us, at least those who go to Manhattan night clubs can go secure in the knowledge that they won’t get shot accidentally by a gun-toting New York Giants player, who’s obviously been kicked one too many times in the head.
SOURCES: New York Post – Plaxico’s Jailhouse Trainer by Laura Italiano and Dan Mangan