Sex is everywhere. You can’t swing a cat without knocking over a display of Trojans, a filthy book, or a stack of porn. I just don’t get it. I’ve got a few questions about why we seem to be so enthralled with something that has been around since Adam and Eve.
How does one have sex? Isn’t it something you do rather than have? It’s kind of like having a shower. One does not have a shower. One takes a shower. Of course it’s still unclear to me where one might take it, which is why I surmise one would not take sex.
Sex spelled backwards is xes, which I have never heard of, but jockey the letters around again and you have exs. I don’t know what that means either, but people seem to like swapping letters around.
What’s all the fuss about sex? There are probably more books, movies, and words spoken about sex that any other subject of the face of the earth. Why might this be? Reproduction has been taking place for hundreds of thousands of years. Making the giant leap that reproduction most likely is preceded by sex, it would seem that one should not need a manual to successfully perform the act.
Speaking of manuals, isn’t it quite difficult to turn the pages with one’s nose, which probably is the only thing that isn’t busy during sex? What happens if one loses his or her place? Does one just wing it? Who writes these manuals, and how in the world do they find the time to write if they’re always in the sack doing the research?
Do you know what rhymes with sex? Complex, perplex, and Fed-Ex, that’s what.
Let’s examine further. What would perplex sex be besides a tongue twister if one said it rapidly five times. Go ahead. Try it, smarty pants. “Perplex: To puzzle or confuse, or to overly complicate or intricate.” See? This is what I am saying. “Complex: Difficult to analyze (oops, can I say that?), understand, or solve. Having too many parts.” Again, just what I am saying.
Now, what was I saying? Oh, yes. So, one might deduce that perplex sex might be two confused people entering into an intricate mating ritual for one purpose or another and finding themselves at a loss as to what exactly to do. Along the same lines, complex sex must be less confused people making much more of something than should be. Neither situation is good, although a nice rhyming phrase does put a smile on my face.
Now that we have whatever that meant settled, let’s move along to the innuendo that surrounds this four letter word. The birds and bees. Why have these two innocent words become code for sex? I can’t imagine Ms. Bee consenting to mate with Mr. Hawk, any more than I can envision the Kellogg’s bumblebee in a liaison with Big Bird. Telling our children about birds and bees is unnatural, perverted, and just plain silly.
And I don’t know about you, but I’ve never made whoopie before in my life. I don’t even know what whoopie is, and if I did, I don’t think I’d make it. I might buy a whoopie pie from a local bakery, but that’s not even close to what people do when making whoopie……….or so I’ve heard.
All in all, I think sex is just another four letter word. It is much ado about nothing. Any half wit can figure it out, and if they can’t, their partner might want to take the lead. There are many more pressing issues to delve into than sex. Social intercourse is a lost art. We should be concentrating on arousaling interest in other areas, such as masterbating the fine art of pleasant fluid conversation. Well, hopefully the reader will understand the thrust of my point. Whew, is it getting hot in here?
P.S. I didn’t neglect to define the Fed-Ex thing. I just had a vision that prevented me from expanding. This is a difficult subject to stay on top of.
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