Athough not exactly a “dog person,” I certainly do get the appeal of a cute doggy face and the unmistakable wag of a happy, alert doggy tail. Dogs can be wonderful companions and beloved family members. However, they absolutely do not belong in the workplace, unless you work at Petsmart or perhaps if you are a writer working in your home office.
Let me summarize ten of the most obvious reasons why your delightful pet is better off somewhere other than your office:
1. Dogs bark. Some dogs bark loudly. Need I say more?
2. Dogs (other than seeing eye dogs) are not permitted in Federal facilities, hospitals, restaurants, and many other places of work. It’s against the law.
3. Dogs are supremely bored watching you tap, tap on your computer keys, which is mostly what we do at work these days. Why subject them to needless boredom?
4. Dogs have a need to release digestive waste products, needs that may not be easily fulfilled in a large office building.
5. Dogs, especially larger dogs, may be terrifying to some human co-workers or to other visiting dogs (if you have other visiting dogs, and I hope you do not).
6. Dogs, especially when agitated by unexpected stimuli, have been known to bite. Would you like your boss to be bitten by your beloved pet? This would not be a wise career move.
7. Dogs often smell. A smelly dog is not a congenial office visitor.
8. Dogs, especially when bored, may decide to chew on the arm of your leather office chair, or the bosses’ leather office chair, or rip a stack of vitally important papers to shreds.
9. Dogs need food and water at regular intervals, needs that are complex to meet in an office scenario.
10. Dogs in heat are particularly iffy office companions. What if they hook up with a visiting dog of the opposite sex? Perish the thought…
Dog owners, these are only the most obvious drawbacks to bringing your doggy to work during National Dog Week or any other time of year. Here are much better ways to celebrate your canine friends:
1. Take the day off and spend it at the dog park with your pooch.
2. Take a terrific new photo of your dog(s) and frame it for display on your desk at work.
3. Exchange fun dog stories with your co-workers over lunch.
4. Sign yourself and your dog up for “Pets on Wheels” and brighten the dull lives of people who do not have pets.
5. Take your pet for that overdue trip to the veterinarian for a well-dog checkup.
6. Have your spouse/significant other/mom/whoever bring your dog along one day when they pick you up from work so you can show off your terrific pooch to your co-workers in the parking lot for a brief period.
The bottom line: dogs are a disaster at the office but delightful in dog-friendly environments where their needs can be met.