Holiday music is all around us. Everywhere. I know that we all have our favorite Christmas tunes that we love, but what about the ones that make you want to shove candy canes into your eardrums? Here is my personal top 10 list of the worst Christmas songs of all time.
1.) ANY version of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’. I will be blunt, I absolutely HATE this song with a passion! I don’t care who it’s by, what year it was recorded, or how it’s laid out musically, this is a terrible song. I don’t know if it’s because our local all-holiday format radio plays a whopping 10 versions of it or because everyone thinks its so ‘cute’, but this is my personal contender for the worst Christmas song of all time.
2.) ‘The Christmas Shoes’ by Newsong. This is without a doubt, a Christmas song that tries WAY too hard to tug at your heartstrings. Now, I love sweet and sentimental songs, but this one is so overdone it almost sounds like a parody. Also, that chorus of children singing at the end does not sound angelic, but downright disturbing!
3.) ‘Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer’ by Elmo and Patsy. I love a good novelty Christmas song as much as the next person, but I have never gotten what was so great about this song. I mean, what on earth is so funny about your grandmother getting killed on Christmas Eve by one of Santa’s reindeer? I’ll take a pass, thank you.
4.) ‘The Christmas Can Can’ by Straight No Chaser. Anyone who has had the misfortune of hearing this tune from beginning to end will sympathize with me on why I turn the volume all the way down whenever it comes on the radio.
5.) ‘Christmas in America’ by Pat Benatar. Released during the 2001 Christmas season, this song by 80s icon Pat Benatar tries WAY too hard. While I know her intentions were good, the song came across as trying to cash in on the 9/11 terrorist attacks which were still fresh in everyone’s mind. The song received very minimal airplay and then sank without a trace.
6.) ‘The Man With All The Toys’ by The Beach Boys. This two minute trip in monotony is probably the most annoying Christmas song ever recorded. Not only that, but the Beach Boys are a band I associate with summertime, why would I want to listen to them sing Christmas tunes? It just doesn’t sound right.
7.) ‘Love on Layaway’ by Gloria Estefan. While (thankfully) this never gets played on the radio, it appears on the CD ‘Now That’s What I Call Christmas’ as one of the modern ‘classics’. I really shudder if a song with the chorus of ‘La la la la la la la Lay A-way!’ is considered one of the Christmas classics of our time. Give me Bing Crosby any day!
8.) ‘A Baby Changes Everything’ by Faith Hill. Maybe it’s because I’m not too crazy about Ms. Hill’s catalog of music, but all of her Christmas efforts sound forced, and this is perhaps the worst one of the bunch. The thing about this song is that you have to listen ‘carefully’ for the ‘real’ meaning and that is the problem. It took me at least five times before I got that it was about the birth of Christ, but the lyrics are so misleading it initially makes you think the song is about a random teenage girl who is in a ‘predicament’ at holiday time.
9.) ‘Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)’ by John Denver. While I can somewhat tolerate this one on a comedic level, it’s almost a sin to have someone as beloved as the late John Denver sing about something so tragic.
10.) ANY version of the ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’. I really don’t know what to say about this one, other than the fact that I’ve always found it to be just plain WEIRD. I mean, honestly, who would want geese laying eggs or maids milking cows for Christmas? The only version I can stand is the parody ‘The Twelve Pains of Christmas’ by the Bob Rivers Comedy group.
This is only a small sample of bad Christmas songs that exist, but these are definitely my top ten. Just be glad I only gave you a synopsis, as opposed to actual song samples!