Today, I actually slipped and fell on a banana. Yes, it really does happen.
Earlier today, my boyfriend Adam and I were watching the History Channel together when he decided he needed a snack. He went out to the kitchen to pour himself a bowl of cereal. As he went to the fridge to grab the milk, he looked out the open window and found himself in a staring match with a squirrel. For fun, he decided to stare back.
The squirrel was undaunted. Rather than turn tail and run, he started barking at Adam! Adam barked back, but the squirrel stood his ground. Adam laughed and went about pouring the milk on his cereal.
As he returned to the refrigerator to return the milk carton, the barking resumed.
“Hey,” he said to me, “got anything I could throw at a squirrel?”
Finding nothing in my immediate vicinity, I replied, “No. Why?”
“This damned squirrel won’t stop barking at me. I think I’m gonna chuck a banana at it.”
I had to see this. As I walked into the kitchen, Adam grabbed a browning banana off the counter and headed outside.
As he opened the front door, the squirrel ran to the opposite side of the tree trunk. Adam circled the tree, and as soon as he came into view, the squirrel yapped at him again.
Adam took aim and gave the banana a toss. It made a wet thunk against the tree, and the squirrel squealed as it ran up into the branches. It situated itself directly above Adam’s head and again started barking.
Now Adam was getting irritated. The squirrel was mocking him, and he couldn’t take it. He retrieved the banana and tossed it again. It barely missed as the feisty squirrel made a break for the nearby power lines.
As it made its tightrope walk away from us, Adam gave the banana a final toss. It missed by a long shot, but frightened the squirrel so badly it nearly fell off the wire. Meanwhile, I nearly fell over laughing.
A while later, Adam and I walked to Wendy’s to grab some dinner. As we returned home, I spotted the battered banana laying at the edge of the front lawn. Adam picked up the fruity remains by the peel and carried it to the house, dribbling mooshed-up bits of banana along the way.
As I was getting my things together for work in the morning, I remembered that I’d left something I needed in the car. I tossed on my shoes and headed outside in the dark.
Halfway to the car, I found myself sitting square on my tuchas. (Luckily, I managed to land on the lawn.) I looked down at the sidewalk between my feet.
Yes, it really does happen.