In a sexually charged world it is hard to imagine that virginity would cause a problem. Besides, every day right wing evangelicals are constantly teaching their children that abstinence is proper conduct to living a wholesome life. Boy meets girl, boy dates girl, and boy marries girl. Seems easy enough. Unfortunately, life has a few more complications during the dating process.
So what’s a man to do after he’s saved his sexual chastity for so many years and by some sudden miscalculation, the girl of his dreams has run off with the “other guy”? Virgin males find themselves standing up against many different social stigmas if his goal is to ultimately wait until marriage before having sexual intercourse. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the average girl loses her virginity at seventeen and the average boy loses his virginity at 16. The age is even lower for non-white teens. A virgin who suddenly finds himself in his twenties can be seen as an endangered species because even then most females are engaging in sexual copulation.
The complications that arise from older male virgins trying to date can be several things. First of the complications is expectations. Expectations are the rules of the game when it comes to dating. Women who have been sexually active, pretty much know what to expect from men who are sexual active. Because they know what to expect, most women already have a preconceived game plan on how to react if the man says or does a certain thing; which is more than likely, sexually motivated. Virgins will go to the beat of a different drum, however. The goal of a virgin who is waiting until marriage will not be to have sex at the end of the night, so already the two may start off on the wrong foot.
The second factor that comes into play is perception. Men are naturally seen as the hunters-the aggressors, when it comes to dating “game”. A male virgin who is not doing what is expected may be perceived by a woman as timid or simply uninterested. His manhood and at times his sexual orientation may come into question if he isn’t actively “sowing his royal oats”. Such negative perceptions do nothing but hurt a man’s ego and cause his dating life to become even more unsuccessful.
The third predicament falls under the topic of security. In order for a woman to feel comfortable being sexual with a man she must feel secure. If her perception of his manhood is less than adequate, this may cause her to be insecure about her relationship with him. On the contrast, she may feel inadequate for a man who is saving himself for marriage if she is sexually active and not intending on doing the same.
Finally, even if the woman is secure enough to have sex, her desire will be met with rejection. Sex is important to people and woman love sex just as much as men do. A virgin’s inability to satisfy his partner sexually could be detrimental to long term relationship goals.
Overall, because society expects men to be the initiators when it comes to dating, a virgin stands to face a number of problems when competing to win the affection of his one true love. These obstacles will not make dating impossible, but simply more complicated when he may not be the only one “wooing” a particular interest. However, with communication and an understanding partner, there is no hurdle to high to overcome for true love.