Jon and Kate are in the news again. They are making spoofs of themselves: poking fun at their lives and situations. Jon is being sued by TLC and he is countersuing them for $5 million dollars. The more I hear about Jon, the more I think he has lost it; but truthfully, I think that Jon has been having the proverbial mid-life crisis; albeit a little early. I suppose having eight kids before the age of 27 and being married to a stressed out OCD wife can increase the likelihood of an early crisis; yet as Jon is gaining some clarity about his poor decisions, does that mean he will try to return to Kate and the kids? And should Kate take him back?
Jon has everything to gain if he returns to his wife and his life. They can stop supporting two households and two or more lawyers and can get back to the business of raising their brood and making a living.
But should Kate take Jon back. As with all marital infidelity the answer is extremely complicated:
Why she should:
Because she still loves him.
Because he is the father of her kids.
Because they can save the proverbial “farm” by ceasing the spending and division of assets.
Because her kids still need their father and in general, two loving parents are better for the kids than two divorced parents (except in the case of extreme abuse, most kids want their biological parents to stay together – it symbolizes safety and stability).
So there are overwhelmingly good reasons for Kate and Jon to reunite.
But still, should she?
Why she shouldn’t:
He cheated on her. He broke his vow. He lied to her. Can she ever trust him again?
Does he really want her back or is it just easier for him and profitable? Can she trust his profession of love?
Will she now have to become someone different so that he won’t leave her again (as in, does she have to earn his love? And if she snaps at him again, will he cheat on her again?) There goes that trust issue again.
If they did choose to reunite; there are many steps they will need to take to help make their reunion successful:
1. Get professional counseling. I bet Dr. Phil would love this one and be good at it.
2. Return to their Church and renew their walk with God. That seems to be one of the areas they sacrificed in their assent to stardom.
3. Apologize to each other, but Jon needs to start. He cheated on his wife, she yelled at him; which is really worst? The apology is more than an I am sorry or a five minute event. It is a thorough hashing of each ones poor decisions and how it affected the other, I am sure Dr. Phil could help with that. The apology alone may take months for each to see their part in this mess and how they hurt each other.
4. Avoid blame in their apology. No one made them do anything; they chose.
5. Apologize to their kids; the innocent bystanders in this all; especially their twin girls; who have had the added embarrassment of watching this played out in the media and at school.
5. Jon needs to get a job; his identity seems tied to his ability to earn a living so he should go back to earning one. He probably won’t make anywhere near what he made on his TV show but he will regain his self respect – the ultimate reason for his crisis – he didn’t respect himself.
6. They need to scale back the show to once every month or only on special occasions. While many think that Kate just loved the spotlight, which may be true, let’s face it, that family gained a lot of physical and financial perks from the show. I can’t imagine having to provide for eight kids, physically and emotionally, much less financially. This is a good gig for that family. Milk it; but scale it back. The family needs to heal and part of the stress was the show and the publicity.
Should Jon and Kate reunite?
The woman in me says no; Jon messed up big time. He is prone to weakness and childishness; trusting him will be hard. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2260327/jon_and_kate_media_fame_verses_faith.html?cat=34
But the mother and wife in me says maybe. Jon would have to up his game and both would have to really work at it. Either way, the decision needs to be made slowly and the two adults have to work it out for themselves. Even though the kids will be affected by their decisions, this has to be made by the adults who have to live up to whatever agreements they come up with. I wish them only good things and God’s blessings.